The Doctrine of Marriage

Okay, here's the deal. We've talked about Divorce. We've talked about Same-Gender Marriage. We are going to back-track a bit here and talk about something simple. That is (as I'm sure you assumed from the title of this post) the doctrine of marriage.

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, what do we know about the doctrine of marriage?

Well, we know that "marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God" (source).

This by itself is something that the world seems to struggle with. Many are against the notion that marriage should only be between man and woman. Others don't see the point of marriage at all. This relatively simple and straight-forward phrase raises so much argument and contention in the world
today.

But guess what?

That is doctrine. Doctrine is unchanging. That means that the doctrine of marriage has been unchanging and will continue to be unchanging. So is it important for us to understand the doctrine of marriage?

I'd very much say so.

On this very subject, David A. Bednar (of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) had a thing or two to say. (To read his talk in its entirety, click here).

A key part of the doctrine of marriage that many don't understand (especially those outside of the Church) is that marriage is not just something you do for tax purposes, or because you want to throw a big party, or even because you're madly in love with someone. Marriage is a commandment from our Heavenly Father. When we know it is a commandment, it changes how we feel about it.

How does this knowledge change your perspective on marriage?

Elder Bednar helps us understand the nature of this commandment by answering the questions, 1) Why is marriage essential? and 2) What doctrinal reasons can we give for the importance of marriage?

He goes on to explain,

"The nature of male and female spirits complete and perfect each other, 

and therefore men and women are intended to progress together toward exaltation... 

[Furthermore,] By divine design, both man and woman 

are needed to bring children into mortality 

and to provide the best setting for the rearing and nurturing of children."

There are two key doctrines (also outlined in the Family Proclamation) here that the world has a hard time with. The first, is the idea of gender. We know that gender is not simply something that was imposed on us at birth. It is not something that we get to choose. Gender is an eternal principle that has been with us since our pre-mortal life. I was a woman then, and I'm a woman now. No conflicting feelings or surgeries, or medications will change the fact that I have been, and always will be, a woman.

But Satan does not want us to believe this simple doctrine. He wants us to believe that we can choose our gender. Or rather, that gender doesn't really matter at all. It doesn't matter whether you're male or female - you can "identify" with whichever gender you like. And while you're at it, you can marry whoever you want too. Because there is no good and evil. There is no sin. Sin is just something that religious leaders invented to have power and control over us. 

It is as important as ever - nay, more important - for us to understand the very simple doctrine of gender. Why does gender matter so much? Let me repeat Elder Bednar's words:

"The nature of male and female spirits complete and perfect each other, and therefore men and women are intended to progress together toward exaltation."

I don't know about you, but I think that sounds like gender is pretty darn important. In addition, it sounds to me like each gender - man and woman - is equally important. Man is not above woman. And woman is not above man. But rather, they work together to complete their journey here on Earth and return to live with our Heavenly Father.

Is the doctrine of gender important? Very much so!

The second doctrine mentioned here that the world seems to struggle with is this idea of children having a father and a mother. The world would like to think that quality of parenting has more to do with how children turn out than anything else. And maybe that's true. But do you realize that a father and a mother provide the ideal setting for raising children? Why is that?

Remember when we talked about gender? What is the purpose of two genders?

Male and female are each different, but complementary. The two of them work together equally in their differences to provide the perfect setting for raising and rearing children.

Does that mean that every family that consists of a mother, father, and children is going to be perfect? Absolutely not. In fact, I would go as far as to say that no family is going to be perfect in this life - at least, not in the sense that they never have any problems. But that is okay. Through hard work, diligence, repentance, and faith, a mother and father together can help to foster the kind of environment that is going to help their children love God and follow His commandments.

Let's change gears now a little bit and speak of marriage in terms of the marriage covenant. Elder Bruce C. Hafen explained the difference between a contract marriage and a covenant marriage when he said,

"When troubles come, the parties to a contractual marriage seek happiness by walking away. They marry to obtain benefits and will stay only as long as they're receiving what they bargained for. But when troubles come to a covenant marriage, the husband and wife work them through. They marry to give and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God. Contract companions each give 50 percent; covenant companions each give 100 percent" (source).

In the Church, marriage is sacred and is not something that should be entered into lightly. That being said, marriage is also difficult. Aligning your life and dreams and ideals with someone else (who, I might add, comes from a completely different background and has had completely different experiences than you) is no easy task. And our church leaders (and our Heavenly Father, for that matter) don't expect us to believe that marriage is all just wonderful. What is expected from us is to give it our all. To sacrifice for our spouse. To put their needs before our own. To honor our marital vows with complete and total fidelity. To care for our spouse. To love our spouse. And yes, we need to do all of that, even when trials come and we struggle.

Again, this is not easy. Elder Hafen goes on to say, "Covenant marriage requires a total leap of faith:
they must keep their covenants without knowing what risks that may require of them. They must surrender unconditionally, obeying God and sacrificing for each other" (source).

As I read through Elder Hafen's talk, I couldn't help but ask myself the following questions -

1) What kind of marriage do I have? A contract marriage? Or a covenant marriage?
2) What can I be doing so that my marriage is more aligned with that of a covenant marriage?
3) In what ways can I teach my friends and family members about the doctrine of marriage?

I encourage you to ask yourself these questions as well. I know that as you come to study the doctrine of marriage more, asking questions along the way and praying for answers, you will gain a stronger testimony of this sacred institution. I know this because I have experienced it for myself.